Finally, An All Encompassing Answer For Men!

You know, I’m rather tired of women having the monopoly over the all-encompassing answer… “Period.” It’s like the answer to everything!

Man: Why are you behaving so bitchy today?
Woman: Grrr… Period lah!
Man: Oh. Okay.

Man: Can you please help me with this report?
Woman: Ughhh… I got my period, okay?!
Man: Oh. Okay.

Husband: Hey, darling, the kids are gone, your mother’s away… what do you say we??
Wife: Haiyah. Cannot lah. Period.
Husband: (Clearly deflated in more ways than one)… oh, okay.

Man: So, what’s wrong with your girlfriend today? She doesn’t seem like she’s having fun.
Other man: Oh, she’s got her period.
Man: Ahh… okay.

Mom: Why are you eating so much chocolate before dinner!?
Girl: I’ve got my period… this helps.
Mom: Oh. Okay.

Woman: That jerk of a boyfriend doesn’t understand me even though he says he loves me!
Girlfriend: Why?
Woman: He makes fun of my period.
Girlfriend: That bastard!

Man: Why are we leaving in the middle of this movie?! We queued so long for the tickets!!
Woman: Shut up! I’ve got my cramps! It’s that time of the month again!
Man: Oh. Okay.

Hell, it’s even the answer to simple math questions?

Man: How much is 1 + 1?
Woman: How the hell should I know?! I’m having my period now! Ugghh.
Man: Oh, okay.

It is for this reason that I propose men to also take up an all-encompassing-answer-to-everything of our own! We should also be able to quote this answer as the answer to anything and everything! This answer should solicit empathy, and damn it- even sympathy from every one! It should be understandable. Comprehensible. Not the slightest bit inexplicable.

That’s why, I believe our all-encompassing answer should be… “Horny.” It makes perfect sense:

Woman: Why are you behaving like a total ass today?
Man: Hornylah!
Woman: Oh. Okay.

Woman: Can you please help me with this report?
Man: Ughhh… I haven’t got laid in seven months okay?! Horny lah!
Woman: Oh. Okay. Nevermind then… (quickly makes her escape).

Wife: Hey, darling, the kids are gone, your mother’s away… and we haven’t been romantic in a while?
Husband: Haiyah. Too much work! Let’s cut to the chase!! Horny lah!
Wife: (Clearly deflated in more ways than one)…Haish. *Fine*.
Husband: (Thinks) Why is it suddenly freezing cold in here!? Ah who cares?! I’m horny!

Woman: So, what’s wrong with your boyfriend today? He seems to be trying too hard to have fun.
Other woman: Oh, he’s just horny.
Woman: Ahh… okay. *giggle*

Mom: Why are you eating so much chocolate before dinner!?
Son: Uh. You wouldn’t understand.
Mom: I’m your mother! I understand everything! And I demand to know!
Son: I’m feeling horny. This helps.
Mom: Oh. …Okay.

Man: My girlfriend’s holding out on me even though she says she loves me!
Friend: That bitch!
Man: Man, I really need to get laid (i.e. Horny as hell), you know?!
Friend: You poor bastard! Bwahahaha…!

Woman: Why are we leaving in the middle of this ballet?! We queued so long for the tickets!!
Man: I don’t know, dear… but something about seeing women in tight tights, stretching their legs apart as wide as the eye can see… Wow. I’m feeling horny.
Woman: *Hurumph!!!* We’re leaving!

Hell, it’s even the answer to simple math questions…

Woman: Darling, I bought a $5,000 diamond necklace today at 50% off! And that’s all I’m wearing tonight for you. *Grin*
Man: What?! Wait. $5,000 minus 50%. Uh… carry the one. Urm… Ahhhhh, whatever! Who the hell cares! That’s all you’re wearing and I’m feeling horny. Get over here!
Woman: *snicker* Oh, okay.

What? Objections from you all? Ahh? who the hell cares?!

I’m horny.

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